Why do we fear a challenge?

A sort of follow up to my March article on Standing up to Challenges, I began wondering on my way home this evening why we shy away from challenges. I was listening to the radio decompressing before I got home and Taylor Swift's A Love Story was playing. In one verse she says "Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel; This love is difficult but it is real", and it got me to thinking how many people I know who are separated or divorced. How many people I know who have never faced their potential and chased their dreams. Why is that?

We live in the greatest country in the world. Freedom and liberty enable us to be ANYTHING we want to be, yet remarkably few take advantage of us. I see many immigrants in the area living the American dream. They work extremely hard, many have their own business and home. They chase the dream with a vengeance, and hang on to it.

When I was separating from the service after a short stint, I was faced with one of the greatest challenges of my life. All my life all I had ever wanted was to serve my country as an officer in the military for a career. It is all I thought of. And when I was faced with a difficult decision to separate and provide for my wife and 2 children, the task was quite daunting at the beginning of the journey.

Several colleagues and I went to a recruiter's informational meeting to see what options we had available. He was strong, convicted and very good at what he does. He suggested we read his book on PCS'ing to Corporate America. After the meeting, I conferred with a couple of friends and wondered about my meeting with him the following afternoon. "Don't worry" they said- "just go". The decision to go or postpone weighed heavily on my mind.

The next morning I phoned the recruiter and asked for an appointment on his next visit in a couple of months. He of course thanked me for my courtesy, and we went on with our day.

The next day I asked my buddies how the interview with the recruiter went. I heard all kinds of excuses: "He was arrogant", "He was an &**hole", "A jerk" etc. Predictably, everyone with these comments was not accepted by him to be a candidate for his recruiting agency.

Coincidence? I think not. You see, Roger only accepted on average 12% of the applicants. Not because they were extraordinarily talented, but because they were committed to the career change and were taking it very seriously. They demonstrated this commitment by reading his book and many others, and learning how little they knew about themselves and how to interview. Under Roger's leadership we became experts of ourselves and rose to the challenge. His course was rigorous and demanding, but deep inside my heart I knew by following his advice and direction and dedicating myself to his plan everything was going to be alright, and that is how I was able to lead my family during one of the most stressful periods of our lives.

My friends took the easy way out. They chose not to try to learn about themselves, and if they don't know themselves, how can they convey their best qualities to a prospective employer and land the big job? They can't.

When I landed my job with a cutting edge medical company selling devices to surgeons, my friends called me "lucky". That infuriated me.
God had given me a path, just like them, but unlike them, I chose the path less traveled and succeeded where they had failed. I suppose it is easier to point the finger at someone else and call it luck, but it was highly offensive nonetheless, and I am not one to get worked up about stuff like that.

Along the same lines, many people accuse my wife and me of being lucky for the relationship we have. We have been together since we were 16, and have never been with anyone else. What we have IS special, and I think we are indeed blessed to have each other (though I am DEFINITELY getting the better part of the bargain!), but the marriage thing has not always been a bed of roses. We have had ups and downs. We have fought. We have disagreed about things, but we have worked them all out. We trust each other implicitly, knowing the other would never do anything to harm what we have.

This is rare, I know.

But the point is the work and the investments we make into our relationship. While I am not always a teddy bear to be around, I do my best to leave my frustrations at work (or wherever they come from) and not take them out on the family. I am not always successful, but I try. My wife loves me for who I am, and she realizes the grumpy guy is NOT who I am. She looks past this inadequacy. How she put up with me when I was in the service and much more volatile is a mystery to me. (I told you I was getting the best bargain here)

Nothing worthwhile is free or easy, and if it is, it is most definitely not worth much to you.

People use all kinds of things to fill a void in their lives- shopping, home decor, cars, vacations, clothes, food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex. The list goes on and on. Each of these "addictions" as many are becoming known are nothing more than the human spirit, seeking more pleasure, being allowed to spiral out of control by someone not working to improve themselves. And if they are not willing to improve themselves for their own benefit, what chance does their spouse have of motivating them?


The bottom line: We fear a challenge because it makes us uncomfortable, we feel we have too much at risk or don't see enough payoff for the challenge. When we try to tie a monetary value to everything in our life, we devalue that which is most sacred- the love of our Father, our family and our neighbors. When we take our eye off the ball and focus on the material things in our lives, we lose sight of the greatest commandment and subsequently true joy. We Americans feel if we can have this vacation, raise, promotion, car or house we will truly be happy. Then, there is one MORE thing we want, then another. When does it stop? Never.

Truthfully, are you really happier today with all you material possessions or were you happier when you were a simple child and found wonder and joy in most things? Sadly, most of us will answer no. We have supplanted a simple life with gadgets and stress trying to procure more and more stuff we will leave behind when we die.

Trust me on this one- take a trip somewhere away from the advertising that surrounds us today. Turn off the t.v., radio and Internet and spend a couple of days away from it all and see what you start to think about. You may find yourself looking at yourself and wondering how to change yourself for the better or to have a closer relationship with God. If not, worst case, you end up with a relaxing few days away from the constant pressure of in your face marketing.

Go ahead and try it- I dare you!

Do you get personal?

Friday morning on Fox News was a news story that at first blush disturbed me somewhat. The teaser stated a Texas church was giving away a car on Easter Sunday. That got my attention!

When the show returned after the break, the anchors introduced Pastor Bill Cornelius of Bay Area Fellowship from the Corpus Christi area network of churches. They have several campuses in South Texas, and each one will be drawing names for a car, laptops, big screen t.v.s and more in what they call The Ultimate Giveaway. Here is the description from their home page:

"YOU are the next winner of The Ultimate Giveaway! That's right...With nearly $1 MILLION in prizes and giveaways, this Easter, everyone will win something at Bay Area Fellowship! And, wait...that's not all. Each service we're giving awayFREE FLATSCREENS, LAPTOPS...and CARS!!! Be here beginning April 1 (and...no, this is no April Fool's joke). This is the real deal! No tricks, strings or fine print! Show up and let Bay Area Fellowship bless YOU this Easter!"

This was of great interest to the anchors so they asked Pastor Bill what was up- what are you thinking here?

Bill told them he is copying a friend from Minnesota and using the Ultimate Giveaway as a means to reach those who ordinarily would not attend church, even on Easter Sunday. He feels if he has JUST ONE chance to introduce someone to the idea of meeting Jesus and developing a personal relationship with Him, the he has been successful. The video is here on the homepage.

I immediately saw the potential there with this publicity stunt, and apparently it has been successful; Pastor Bill having led some 300 people last year to a personal relationship with Christ when He was accepted as their Savior. Hence the title "The Ultimate Giveaway" for the gift of eternal life is the greatest gift anyone can receive.

How great is that?

But it is a fine line between using this stunt as an effective recruiting tool and turning the temple into a commercialized God-free zone. A fine line indeed.

As I drove to work, I started to remember the wonder when I was exposed to a personal relationship concept with Rene Cardiff and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes in high school when I was 14. I was already a believer but I was not a BELIEVER.

Rene was our trainer in high school, and was always one of the coolest guys around. He was a little older than us (at the time I think he was in his late 20's) and was very happily married to his wife Mary. Several of us would hang out in his office during lunch and talk several days a week. He never seemed to mind it. In fact, he seemed to revel in it, and now I know why.

I remember thinking to myself how great Rene was- how friendly and supportive. He had it all, and I subconsciously wondered what I needed to get the same joy of life he had. He invited me to attend the next FCA event and I did. Of course every one there was someone I knew, most of them from the football and baseball teams I was on so the comfort level was there immediately.

Over the next few months, I was impressed with the scriptural knowledge Rene had for a lay person, but I began to feel differently about my relation with Christ. I began to take on a different belief or perspective of Christianity. A paradigm had taken place in my life.

As I was attending Sunday School in church, I was told how difficult the Bible is to read because it is full of hyperbole and analogies. You must be well-read in ancient studies and languages to fully interpret the Bible. And it made sense if you knew no better. What I learned was the Bible is literal and fairly clear. The analogies take place when Jesus was trying to explain to others what He was all about (and many STILL didn't get it) and others were used when the author was trying to explain a concept (like John in Revelation talking about the iron grasshoppers that spit fire, which are of course helicopters today).

To illustrate this point, I offer to you my analogy. The Bible is basically our Father's word to us. His rules, if you will. Given He loves us infinitely more than we love our own children or our parents loved us, and given most of us had a clear understanding of what was expected of us by our own parents, how likely is it God the Father would not provide the same to us? Clear, defined roles, rules and guidelines? Boundaries are things man has sought from the beginning for our own understanding. Boundaries on land, law, relationships etc. Infants continually push the envelope as they develop and explore their own world and influence therein.

So I ask again, how likely is God to have said my children are wise enough to understand my Word since I did not speak clearly?

Of course the Bible is clear. It is meant to be our Daily Bread- the conduit to develop a personal relationship with Christ and the Father. This is something I have begun to take for granted in the sense I often forget not everyone knows what I know- that Jesus wants to commune with me and that God is a jealous God. He wants His children to be close and to have a close walk with Him.

Is that too much to ask? I don't think so- especially when you consider what we are celebrating this weekend. The Resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is risen. Rejoice in the good news and share it with others.

Are you a model for your family to follow to Christ?

Continuing from my last post, during our conversation, Gene mentioned his children had indicated they did not want to go to church. He had taken them for the first 6 months and said that was all they had to do. After that it would be up to them to attend. He was now concerned they did not WANT to go to church any longer.

What immediately occurred to me was perhaps they did not see a substantial change in his persona or how he behaved as the head of the house. There is little doubt God has used many people with various backgrounds as new followers to be the testimony for Him in their circles of friend. When there is a substantial change in the behavior and beliefs of someone who may have been an alcoholic or perhaps into drugs and then a sudden shift in their lives takes them away from that, most people want to know WHAT changed them. These are some of the most powerful testimonies for Christ- the stark contrast from what we are accustomed to from that person to an upstanding person and a leader now. It will either prompt someone to ask what is going on and how do I get that or to condemn the person as being a fake and saying "I know your history."

Whatever the outcome, there are needless to say millions of examples of these amazing transformations. Consider the story of Saul of Tarsus who became the Apostle Paul. Saul was responsible the imprisonment and death of many Christians, and was feared, yet God used him mightily as an Apostle and as an author of much of the New Testament.

So here we were, having a discussion, one father to another, and I so desperately wanted to "pounce" and tell him what I thought.

Notice what I wrote there? TELL HIM WHAT I THOUGHT? That is the LAST thing I should have done. How could that have been conveyed other than a sanctimonious arrogant jerk thinking I am better than him.

Perhaps the better tact is to use examples of Paul and others in later conversations and discuss how those dramatic changes of heart have led many to Christ, or to be able to quote scripture like James 1:19,20 - Be slow to wrath, because the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Anger is often a parent's Achilles's heel. With the stresses we face every day at work, we can sometimes lash out and hurt those we love most.

Perhaps if Gene had been doing this at home and then suddenly changed, I think his kids would be more inclined to follow him to church.

Is that fair of me to insinuate or presume to know what kind of parent he is? No, but I have picked up tidbits here and there and can make an assumption of how he might behave at home, and when taken in context with his concerns about his kids' not wanting to go to church, it makes sense.

The only problem- I am JUDGING him, which is very dangerous. Until we know all the facts, have walked in his steps, we are not able to accurately understand his motivations and therefore cannot and should not judge. This is best left to God and His infinite wisdom to condone/condemn us for our actions.

Now imagine if I had made the comment about his not changing enough at home to make his children want to go to church and he needs to look at himself when he is actually a loving and caring father his sons would do anything for?

That is the danger of presuming to know what is in the heart of your friend and being able to tell them how to live their lives when you are not as perfect as you think you are which I wrote about earlier in Are Your Glasses Clean?. I would have stepped right into the one trap so many Christians are guilty of doing, or at least are perceived to do to non believers. And whether it is true or not, perception IS reality.

Prayer is the only answer for a situation like this unless you are clergy and they are seeking your advice. For the layperson, we must support and pray for Divine wisdom to be given to Gene in his situation which is what I would want if I was in his position: a friend, not a friend judging me.

Planting the seed...

The other day I had the chance to meet with a friend one evening. He called and said his wife was having a shower or something of the sort at their home so he needed to get out for a while. We met at a neighborhood cigar store and sat outside in the pleasant Texas evening enjoying the sunset and the relaxation of a nice cigar and great fellowship.

Gene and I had worked together previously at a dealership where we met. I took an instant liking to him despite many differences in our lives, but perhaps because of parallel ideals. He has 3 children, is a veteran, and has very similar political views. He is also well-read and a bit of an intellect for someone who has not completed a degree of advanced study(I hope that does not sound arrogant or elitist, it is not intended to).

We had many passionate discussions about American history, current affairs and bringing up a family, though when we turned to religion, Gene had no use for organized religion. He was against it based on the experience he has had in the past with what he felt pastors being more about the offering than the message. Gene had not attended church as a child, a few times in the Navy, but really was not what I would call a religious man, though he did believe in God and Jesus Christ. Like many newcomers to the faith, or perhaps more to his point, casual Christians who are not "all in" in their faith, Gene had several issues with trying to resolve real life with what the Bible says. Thus, he had it set in his head he didn't need to go to church.

I shared with him the need to commune with others of similar belief, and that "religion" is man-made. By that I mean religion is faith combined with rituals we may find comfort in to augment our church-going experience. The need to commune with others is very real. We need to be there for others in their moment of need just as we need them in our time of need. If we only went to church when WE felt the need to be lifted up, no one would be there when things were going smoothly and everyone there would be having difficult times. It is much easier to be a positive when things are going your way.

I suggested perhaps they needed to find a more scriptural-based church to meet his needs. I didn't try to push too hard because I knew I would become one of "those" who had alienated Gene all along to worshiping our God in church.

Not long after that, Gene suggested we meet Sunday after church with the fam to fellowship. It was great. I saw a new gleam in his eyes and he was quick to point out some of the lessons they had learned in the sermon and how he felt it might apply to him.

Now, nearly two years after that initial conversation, Gene and his family are now regularly attending a church he loves. He says every sermon seems to be aimed right at him and his pastor is fearless, and is willing to tackle contemporary issues like teen-age promiscuity, acting like a Christian. These are very convicting sermons. We have a number of "mega-churches" in our are of Dallas here. Some with congregations of over 20,000 people. We have watched some of the sermons on t.v. and have not impressed with the message too much. It seems very "watered down" or too easy-going. They seem more concerned with getting people in the doors and not offending them than truly giving a message Jesus would be proud of.

I ramble. The point of this post is to stress when you are witnessing for Christ, the most important thing to bear in mind is to be a friend first, and understand if you have the chance to witness and try to win someone to Christ, you may not be able to completely win them all by yourself, especially in one discussion. You are planting the seed. Someone else will water it. Someone else will cultivate it. Someone else will harvest that seed. Each step is critical in His work, and the ultimate glory be to Him in the highest, regardless of what role YOU had! You will still be responsible for the actions/inactions you take with those around you as you walk in His way.

Did those conversations make a difference in Gene's life? I would say so, but so did his interaction with my wife and children, seeing how we are an integrated family with a faithful servant's heart (I hope!) and being disciples of Christ, and so did his interactions with other Christian friends. Ultimately, it was not what I said, but what the Holy Spirit said THROUGH

me and others. People from my friend Jipu's ministry Win Bangladesh handing out tracts for Christ



Plant that seed today- you never know how large that vine will grow and how much fruit it will bear for the Kingdom!

Standing up to Challenges

Every day, or most every day at least, we are faced with challenges. Personal, professional, environmental, financial, familial, health, the list is quite daunting if you think about it. Yet we persevere for the most part and overcome obstacles every day of our lives to do what we need to do to survive or be happy.

But every once in a while, along comes a challenge we seem to shrink from. We lose our determination, our faith to see it through, and sometimes even the direction to do so. At times the challenge can seem so overwhelming you may throw up your hands and retreat in fear. What to do?

Can you think of a serious challenge you were faced with? What did you do when you faced a situation you did not think you could face and overcome? How serious was it? Some are life-threatening. Others may be harmful to your profession or health.

There are many instances in which the Bible talks about people overcoming huge odds to fulfill what seemed like overwhelming odds- Noah, Moses, David, Nehemiah, just to name a few.

Most Christians are familiar with these characters, though Nehemiah may escape many. Nehemiah was faced with a challenge when he was called to repair the walls of Judah when they had been destroyed.

This was no ordinary call- God called Nehemiah to restore the wall of Jerusalem. A wall was of the utmost importance to a city in that day. It was not only a symbol of their wealth but obviously a security device, and one which provided a sense of community. To not have a wall caused great embarrassment and heartache, and left the people vulnerable to attack.

Consider your own home if it had no walls. Your life is completely open to all around you to impose their will. A very difficult position to be in to say the least.

Nehemiah petitioned his King, Artaxerxes, to be permitted to leave for a period to accomplish this work. Imagine that for a moment- asking your king to go serve someone else for a while. That would be quite a task in and of itself.

But the challenges came later when Nehemiah arrived in Judah. Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the men of Ashdod heard what the Jews were trying to accomplish and were critical. With the wall, the Jews would be more secure and less vulnerable to their will. This would not do.

The potentially imminent threat of attack forced the Jews to build the wall while maintaining a vigilance against attack from their enemies. The had spears and swords at the ready while laboring in the sun. Building a wall was challenging enough, but to be asked to do so in the heat AND be prepared to fight at a moment's notice as well? The stress must have been insurmountable. If that was not enough, the men also pulled guard duty at night to ensure the city was defended.

With God's help, the wall was completed in only 52 days- far shorter a time than the enemies of Jerusalem had expected, so they KNEW this was God's work and feared it mightily, knowing an attack on the city was an attack on God himself.

Do you think you are any different? Do you think, if you are doing God's work you are any less blessed than the people of Jerusalem? Of course not. Our walls are different today, but they are torn and attacked every day by our enemies. Strengthen YOUR walls by realizing God's will is being done in your life. Thank Him for the challenges He has given you for the greater the challenge, the greater the faith and the greater character that is developed.

The Spiritual Leader of the House

We all pretty much know what happened with Adam and Eve in the garden when they were tempted with the fruit of the tree of knowledge- they failed in their test. But the punishment for each was different. The punishment for Eve was lighter than Adam's as Eve was tempted by Satan himself and Adam was tempted by Eve. But I think there may be something more as well. In Genesis 3:8 when the LORD walked in the Garden, he called out to Adam, not Eve, for Adam was the spiritual leader of the couple. His penalty for being enticed by Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit was a life of toil and sweat on his brow. Eve's penalty, though some may argue, was less in the pain of child bearing and a monthly reminder.

The point is since Adam was the spiritual leader of the couple, God sought him for accountability, and since Adam did nothing to rebuke Eve for eating but rather ate as well, his punishment was (and should have been) greater. The same goes for believers. Those who are ministers and preach will be judged most harshly as they should be more in tune with the Word and any err they commit is potentially more profound because of their leadership position. Same with corrupt judges. Those who do not uphold the law will answer to the Lord for their transgressions against their authority.

In light of this, if you are a husband and/or father, are YOU the Spiritual Leader of you Home? If you are not, you better be because come Judgment Day, there are no excuses, only those who did and did not. Deuteronomy 4:9, 10; 6:6, 7; 11:19 talks about the teaching of your children while Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33 talks about how to be the leader of your spouse. One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 5:24, not for the wife to submit to the husband, but because men so often quote that verse and forget the more important 25th verse: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and^AZ)"> gave himself up for her. In other words, if you have the same love for your wife as Christ did for the church, your wife will want to follow you as her leader.

Think about it. The last time you were in a difficult, perhaps even dangerous situation, you may have thought to yourself I wish there was someone here to tell me what to do. If there had been, what if they did not have YOUR best interest at heart? Would you have followed them? Would you have put yourself in a potentially hazardous position on their behalf? What if it was someone you would do anything for? Your family? Perhaps your partner if you are a cop or firefighter, maybe your battle buddy in the military. There are some bonds stronger than family, but regardless of the relationship, the illustration is the same, and the answer is the same.

You WOULDN'T follow someone who did not have your best interest at heart, but you would put infinite faith in someone whom you care for deeply. Why is that?

Faith. You have more faith in your securing a positive outcome for yourself with someone you trust and care for much more than for someone who do not have a vested interest in your welfare.

Think about the pig and the chicken. If you have bacon and eggs for breakfast, the chicken has an interest, but the pig is fully vested.

Are you fully vested with your spouse and children? Do you build them up and have the love and patience Christ has for you? Probably not, unless you are perfect or someone who is highly unusual (not a bad thing). It is just that we tend to love ourselves more than we love others which makes it so difficult to do.

So how do you do it?

1 day at a time. Pray for wisdom and strength, and for the Holy Spirit to guide you and for the Lord to open your eyes and ears to the needs of your family. Make sure you make time for them and demonstrate how important their happiness is in your life. Before you know it, you will be living for others, and your life will be transformed in ways you cannot believe.

Are your glasses clean?

Perception. It is a funny thing. Given a scenario, any scenario, given to 100 different people, you may well get 100 different interpretations of the same scenario. Take for example the exercise of 30 people sitting next to each other. A moderator whispers something into the ear of the first person and has them whisper it to the next and pass it on until it gets to the last person at the far end. They then tell the moderator what they heard and it usually so far from what was originally spoken it barely resembles the initial story.

Why is that?

I believe the answer is our perception. Our life experiences has prejudiced us in certain manners to perceive what we see, hear, smell and even taste to make it a personal experience and one we can categorize for future reference. Call it the glasses through which you experience life, if you will.

These glasses are the filters we experience most everything, especially new things, through. Because of this, we often become jaded and biased for seemingly baseless reasons. This can make it difficult for other people to understand what we are thinking when we say or do something in response to a given situation. They pass judgement on us based on how THEY would have acted (or more properly, how they THINK they would have acted) and consequently, unwittingly foist their values on the other person, and perhaps never understanding what challenges that person is facing.

The key is to remain free of prejudice by clearing your mind and looking at everyone with clean glasses. There is a reason engineers and scientists pay a lot of money for the best optics when it comes to building a laser or a powerful telescope/microscope. The slightest imperfection, even if unseen by the human eye, can stop a devices' ability to bring objects into clear view. A scope is only as good as the poorest component (lens), and that component becomes the mechanism by which a faint distant star or perhaps a new modality of medical treatment may be discovered. The glass must be of utmost purity, free of defects, scratches or contaminants, no matter the expense.

Why would our eyes, ears, nose and mouth be any different? Our senses far exceed the capabilities of the most powerful computers in the world, and yet we constantly allow contaminants to impair our perception and judgement. Why?

Is it apathy or laziness? Ignorance? Well, for each person, the explanation is different. Some don't care, (apathy), don't want to know any better (laziness) or simply don't know the difference (ignorance). It could be said a fourth reason is stupidity, which, in my opinion is when ignorance is overcome, and the individual refuses to realize the lesson which overcomes ignorance.

I think this may be the very reason we are quick to point out the speck in our neighbor's eye but cannot see the plank in our own Matthew 7:3-5. This passage has always made me try to THINK before I say something. We never know what has happened in someone's life that has gotten them to where they are, and because of that, we must strive to be more Christ-like when interacting with our brothers and sisters. When we can all do that, we will achieve a great victory in mastering ourselves and our faith.

Perhaps more significantly, we will give others less reason to judge us on the same grounds as we have judged them, and in the end be a better witness for Christ. Like a pure prism or lens can let out the true colors of light for us to see individually, a pure heart and mind enables us to see the true colors of our neighbors, free of prejudice.

How clean are your glasses?