Continuing from my last post, during our conversation, Gene mentioned his children had indicated they did not want to go to church. He had taken them for the first 6 months and said that was all they had to do. After that it would be up to them to attend. He was now concerned they did not WANT to go to church any longer.
What immediately occurred to me was perhaps they did not see a substantial change in his persona or how he behaved as the head of the house. There is little doubt God has used many people with various backgrounds as new followers to be the testimony for Him in their circles of friend. When there is a substantial change in the behavior and beliefs of someone who may have been an alcoholic or perhaps into drugs and then a sudden shift in their lives takes them away from that, most people want to know WHAT changed them. These are some of the most powerful testimonies for Christ- the stark contrast from what we are accustomed to from that person to an upstanding person and a leader now. It will either prompt someone to ask what is going on and how do I get that or to condemn the person as being a fake and saying "I know your history."
Whatever the outcome, there are needless to say millions of examples of these amazing transformations. Consider the story of Saul of Tarsus who became the Apostle Paul. Saul was responsible the imprisonment and death of many Christians, and was feared, yet God used him mightily as an Apostle and as an author of much of the New Testament.
So here we were, having a discussion, one father to another, and I so desperately wanted to "pounce" and tell him what I thought.
Notice what I wrote there? TELL HIM WHAT I THOUGHT? That is the LAST thing I should have done. How could that have been conveyed other than a sanctimonious arrogant jerk thinking I am better than him.
Perhaps the better tact is to use examples of Paul and others in later conversations and discuss how those dramatic changes of heart have led many to Christ, or to be able to quote scripture like James 1:19,20 - Be slow to wrath, because the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Anger is often a parent's Achilles's heel. With the stresses we face every day at work, we can sometimes lash out and hurt those we love most.
Perhaps if Gene had been doing this at home and then suddenly changed, I think his kids would be more inclined to follow him to church.
Is that fair of me to insinuate or presume to know what kind of parent he is? No, but I have picked up tidbits here and there and can make an assumption of how he might behave at home, and when taken in context with his concerns about his kids' not wanting to go to church, it makes sense.
The only problem- I am JUDGING him, which is very dangerous. Until we know all the facts, have walked in his steps, we are not able to accurately understand his motivations and therefore cannot and should not judge. This is best left to God and His infinite wisdom to condone/condemn us for our actions.
Now imagine if I had made the comment about his not changing enough at home to make his children want to go to church and he needs to look at himself when he is actually a loving and caring father his sons would do anything for?
That is the danger of presuming to know what is in the heart of your friend and being able to tell them how to live their lives when you are not as perfect as you think you are which I wrote about earlier in Are Your Glasses Clean?. I would have stepped right into the one trap so many Christians are guilty of doing, or at least are perceived to do to non believers. And whether it is true or not, perception IS reality.
Prayer is the only answer for a situation like this unless you are clergy and they are seeking your advice. For the layperson, we must support and pray for Divine wisdom to be given to Gene in his situation which is what I would want if I was in his position: a friend, not a friend judging me.
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